Early on, Dietrich Bonhoeffer saw and called out the evil of Hitler, the waywardness of the German churches in falling in line behind the Nazis, and the horror of the destruction and violence of his times. Though he was a pacifist, he supported several plots to assassinate Hitler and expected to spend his eternity in hell. He was willing to sacrifice his salvation for the good of the world.
He was a faithful Christian leader who looked at the evil of his time and refused to stay silent. Near the end of his life, he was held in concentration camps. He ministered to other prisoners and made friends with the guards, working to keep hope alive. Because he was so caring, the guards kept his letters and papers, and sent messages out to loved ones for him. One of these papers was a poem called “Who am I?” In this poem, he talks about how people see him as calm, cheerful, and confident – friendly and bearing his misfortune well. He then says, “Am I then really that which other men tell of? Or am I only what I myself know of myself? Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness, Tossing in expectations of great events, Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at doing, Faint, and ready to say farewell to all.”1
However strong our faith, there are dark moments where we wonder at the state of our lives, at the state of the world. Bonhoeffer felt choked; he longed for beauty, for kindness, for light. He hoped for great miracles, but trembled in powerlessness, weary and feeling empty. This hopelessness wasn’t the end of the poem and it wasn’t the end of his response to suffering. In the last line of the poem he proclaimed, “Whoever I am, Thou knowest O God, I am thine!”2
[1] http://www.dbonhoeffer.org/who-was-db2.htm
[2] Ibid.