I once met a guy. I thought, “well, maybe things are looking up.” We went to dinner and afterwards, we still felt like hanging out. He suggested rollerblading. Apparently, his apartment was above some shops downtown, very close to the restaurant, and he had an extra pair of skates. Now, I grew up roller skating – four wheels, solid balance, thick rubber stopper at the front. I had never actually been rollerblading. He was so excited about it, I said, “Sure! Why not?”
I went up to his place and he had just about every piece of padding you could imagine: knee pads, elbow pads, even wrist guards! I never felt more plastically-clad in my life. So, I asked, “what about a helmet?” He said, “I’ve taught dozens of people how to roller blade and none of them has ever hit their head. You’ll be fine.” So, off we went to the street below and I did, clumsily, make a go of it around the park. I fell over – a lot – but, sure enough, every time those pads and guards took the brunt of the impact.
Until….until we were on our way back to his apartment. There was a traffic circle there at the top of a pretty steep hill. Someone drove up in a panel van and asked him for directions. He was looking up at them to get them situated when my wheels – just – started to roll forward. It happened so slowly at first until the speed just picked up and picked up, hurtling me down the hill into the traffic circle. In a panic, I tried to remember how to stop these swirling, wheels of death, but nothing came to mind. At the edge of the traffic circle, I looked up and saw two posts about five feet apart from one another with a chain draped between them. Remembering my days in the roller rink, I reached for the chain to screech myself to a halt. What happened instead is that the wheels on the skates whirled up the curb so that my body lunged underneath the chain like I was launching myself on a water slide. This would’ve been all well and good except that my head didn’t clear the curb at all and it made an unholy thwack. Noticing my unexpected departure, he rushed over to see what happened to me. I was okay – but with a royal headache/concussion. He asked me why I didn’t just flop down on my butt as soon as I started down the hill. It hadn’t even occurred to me that that might be an option. I was so busy looking up for a solution that I totally lost control! Sometimes things go wrong when you look up for too long.