Years ago, I got into a polite debate with one of my seminary professors about shame. She suggested that shame can be used for good and I saw shame as more of a destructive force in our lives. What is shame if not the belief that who we are or what we have done makes us fundamentally unworthy, less than, fit to be cast out of society? Shame can exist solely in our own minds – imagining that people would hate us or flee from us if only they knew. Or, shame can be a force that we exert on each other to punish or urge a change we feel entitled to as a society. It is a force that is individual and familial and communal and national. Certainly, there are things that people do that are so egregious, they are worthy of this kind of social pressure: child abuse, human trafficking, defrauding the vulnerable. But, so often, we use shame for things that are inconsequential: for those who are seen as weighing too much or too little, people considered unattractive or unstylish, people who do anything imperfectly. The list goes on and on as we bind ourselves and one another with contempt and scorn…
What is the antidote to shame? It is an honest reckoning of who you are and what you have done. It is the vulnerability to come into the light, to make a change for the better. It is grasping hold of hope that you can still be embraced one day. To heal hearts hurt by shame, the best balm is love itself. Shame is fear of being rejected; love is acceptance and welcoming the lost home.